It was clear to me that
I’d need to eat breakfast/lunch before going to the party. Knowing that people often pay far less
attention to what someone is eating than we imagine, I thought I’d just make it
seem like I was eating and nibble on turkey bacon when it became necessary to
make an “appearance." As I write this I
can’t help but wonder why I was so preoccupied with making them feel okay and
pretending that I was eating foods that I really couldn’t. We’re all so well-trained to be polite, even
at our own expense, aren’t we?
So the day came and I
ate a small meal before going. Sure
enough no one really noticed who was eating from the buffet and who wasn’t –
people were grazing throughout the party.
When the hosts encouraged me to eat ("Are you eating, please eat there’s
so much food!” they repeated several times), I talked enthusiastically about the
delicious turkey bacon and took a small piece and munched it in front of them
to show my pleasure. It seemed to
satisfy them and make them happy. I was
shown the package and given detailed instructions about different brands and
how to make it. Needless to say I will
never make turkey bacon.
Then it was time to sing
happy birthday and for their son to blow out the candles on his cake. Afterwards another friend of theirs helped
pass out the pieces of cake as they were cut.
She was someone who also knew about my diabetes. As she passed out the big chunks of cake, she
eventually came in my direction. She
automatically held out one of the plates to me, we made eye contact, and she
clearly suddenly realized/remembered about my diabetes. In that split second I could see the
awareness come into her eyes, a slight widening of panic on her expression and she
jerked the plate away from me and back to her.
“Sorry,” she mumbled and hurriedly moved onto the next person.
Was she afraid I’d grab
the cake like a rabid wolf and gobble it down and collapse and it’d be her
fault I fell into a coma? Was she trying
to protect me from temptation - and doesn’t she realize that a 55 year old woman
has access to cake any time she wants it?
I don’t need her to offer or withhold it, the decision always was and
always will be mine. And the assumption
that cake is “evil” and forbidden while muffins, bagels and fruit salad are
healthy is deluded, sad and at the core of why so many people are suffering
from diabetes.
These days I make a
point of having dessert whenever I am eating out. Primarily because I enjoy dessert! No, I don’t have a lot of it, and I do pick
and choose the things that aren’t too high in carbs. I’ll choose a few spoonful’s of chocolate
mousse over cookies, or flourless chocolate cake over fritters, but a few bites
of pretty much anything is just fine when built into a meal. The shock, surprise and anxiety that people
exhibit when I do that is pretty consistent.
I have a “rap” that I deliver to try to explain that balance and amount
is everything and there’s no need for deprivation. But I think that the old punishment mentality
is so deep in people – if you have diabetes, then your punishment is to not be
able to eat dessert. I’ve had friends
hear my rap, see me eat dessert, and then invite me to dinner only to proudly
show me that they got me a sugar-free cake so I can enjoy dessert while they
eat “real” cake. The irony, of course,
is that the number of carbs in some sugar free desserts actually exceeds those
in “real” desserts. Eventually they
learn, slowly and with hesitation, but they do come around to accepting that I
seem to know what I’m talking about.
Each time I have a few bites of dessert and don’t fall to the ground
in a coma it seems to reinforce for them that I’m not a volatile drunk about
to lose control.
When I think about the
extent of the ignorance, the profound and deep need for education, I am kind of
overwhelmed. How to even begin? I guess in my life it’s one person and one
meal at a time. But that day…that
buffet…that birthday cake being snatched away like a hot potato…that is one
meal I won’t forget.
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